I want to quit this adventure but the adventure doesn’t allow me to quit because I am the protagonist and the most important role in all of the adventure’s existence. What a dilemma that I must co-exist with the dark side, the gray side, as well as with my brightest side.
My heart is a mesh, so confused, and sad due to all the mixed sentiments, emotions, and ill forms of understanding and interpretations from others as to my behavior as a result of theirs.
My behavior is justified and supported by artifacts also known as History, facts, and acts. I love my husband but I hate that he became self-centered and unrecognizable (I lost his goodwill many years ago and we could no longer see eye to eye, I lost his favor).
I fell in love with you Edwin Villa in a time when my husband had abandoned me in the desert with as in, at my parents, without any resources nor the ability to get out of the grave we dug up for me as a spouse and dependent of a US Armed Force Member. I tried to harm myself when I realized he took my children then and left me at my own fate in that desert. Your manifestation on MySpace was of divine influence and you became the only real friend, but I hated the fact that you gave up on me, us, and the vision we were creating together when he sabotaged even when we all lived in three different states.
Of course, this was many years ago and in-the-in-between you might have tried to patch things by demonstrating your willingness to come down and visit me, as I remained in the desert year after year, but like in the old days, you can’t patch what was meant to be stitched together and bind with love. Your cowardliness, was very painful for me to accept.
During that time, I wanted to get back together with my husband, I wanted my children, I wanted a home, a family with those who would appreciate me. It became impossible for me after his affairs and conditioning the children to his approach and lifestyle.
After many attempts, I finally realize that the only way out was through and I enrolled in college. I remember emailing stating I wasn’t college material and that I wasn’t asking for a lifetime with you Edwin, but that I did want to meet you before I depart from this lifetime.
Besides the desire of becoming financially independent, to provide for myself, my children with the possibility of one day meeting you and embracing you for the first time here on Earth as my soul-brother after many years of knowing each other co-existence motivated me to pursue that dream of becoming a college graduate.
Although in the meantime, I was hoping that my marriage would reconcile, and for brief moments I was filled with hope and I wanted more of that vibe with my husband but Siempre me cortaba las alas y las buenas vibras. Finally, I couldn’t deal with the negativity anymore and I dedicated my time to schoolwork and running errands for my children.
Unexpectedly, upon reading a book for one of my courses I experienced a phenomenon, a strong sexual appealing attraction for one of my professors. I didn’t think much of it, but I didn’t know if it was the book as I’ve read The Bible and then, I felt many things with the spirit of the lord, and then you and I collided as I researched online over UFOs and the supernatural...etc.
Anyway, I knew it was part of my work and is part of my work here on earth as the kingdom manifests. So, I asked on my blog page for advice. Nothing much right, well, it wasn’t much, it was just a simple public acknowledgment and appeal for answers that I knew I’d find within. Anyway, long story short, Louie my husband blamed every male figure and was so jealous of the thought of me having even a male figure as a friend. Friends of many years such as high school friends. For the longest time, he would use you as an excuse to underestimate my feelings and use it towards his cheating behavior.
Anyway, after he cheated and told me to make my own living arrangements, knowing I didn’t have family, friends, nor funds, he basically did to me what you did to Jennie Rae Yocum, he kicked me out over some old photos that I had dedicated to him, you, and my beloved. Not to mention, he blamed my professor and told my girls that I was leaving because I wanted to leave but that, that wasn’t what he wanted.
He played the victim role. Then after I was basically, on the street and I sought refuge at Mujeres Unidas for domestic abuse he had the nerve to hack into all of my accounts, perhaps he had already done so and was waiting to post later. I mean he had gone over all of my personal items, journals, photos and read every possible email, message, and targeted me, you, the professor.
Mind you, I had felt an intense sexual appeal towards my professor when I read part of the book we were assigned to read, for a brief moment and I posted it on my blog to bring clarity and balance. It had never happened before, but I knew it was part of my journey and fear I had to fear and overcome. The professor kept ethical, neutral, and civilized he told me I could use the audiobook instead and it worked. Then on a given day I spontaneously fell in love when I heard his voice over the phone. It was like a dagger went straight into my heart and it left me out of breath. I couldn’t believe it! I was in shock. Today, we are practically dead for one another and I am struggling to get him out of my heart and mind.
Anyway, why am I publicly posting and sharing this with you Edwin Villa, you know my story, we collided for a reason. I know you’re part of the priesthood, in the kingdom, and I know you’ve been sent here on Earth to help me evolve and fulfill my mission as I exalt the name of the LORD Most High on Earth by not bringing shame to his name. I know about the dirt we've all been given, without our authority and against our own goodwill, so help us, God.
Ya me canse, I need to get back to my studies.
Respectfully,
Reyna
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