Healing Journal Entry

I think I've realize why I've been in so much emotional pain (I call it angony), when I have every reason and hold everything within as a human soul can possibly have to be on Earth. I am a blessing and blessed to bless with two wonderful loving parents, that I miss and I hope to be with again to stand next to my two siblings. I am the oldest out of three, I have a younger brother and baby sister. A tie of a blessing with my own children, as we know, I have a loving husband we have three amazing children together that are constantly reminding me not to give up the good fight, to find my way back to them, you know to internally match our internal vibrations as before, when it was all good and we know it's not our fault, it's nobody's fault for keeping on living life, that is the purpose of time to make the most and best out of the gift of life on Earth as we pay it forward with our priorities and perfect matching behavior by give testimony of Gods love for us on Earth while we are still alive to testify in spirit and in truth. After all we all hold the key within to reunite, as intended with Higher Power, as One-Big-Happy-Family. I'm also the gifted auntie of a precious nephew, Ezekiel Bravo so we know Gods work on earth is everlasting and unstoppable. And I know, that although we are all protected and living together under our American Flag and under God's Sovereign hand under his will for honoring his name, we all Exalt him, thanks to the Great Sovereign Spirit and Sovereign Powers of the Sovereign God. I know God wants us all to live in Harmony. No one truly knows me for me (for Who I AM) and that has been my greatest pain, perhaps it seems like noone trully knows me because honestly, my children are a reflection of me with my best, we have fulfilled. Its true, you can have all things in the world even the Lords greatest gifts, talents, and blessings, but if you have no love for another you are nothing at all and I've feel like nothing at all, so I know the feeling of emptiness. Then I begin to count on them (you know count my blessings) and I realize I am my parents daughter, my siblings oldest sister, my husbands wife and the mother of three... the auntie to Ezekiel. However, being all alone, to some I appear to be able and capable of living in these conditions away from a loved one, to another I am willing and able to sustain all of the pain on my own,to another I am in their way as interference and hard to control, condition to manage. To another I am overqualified and so to another I am not qualified to meet standards. However, I do know this, I am not living, I am but I appear to be living in the shadow of my own heartfelt desires the my many attempts to be love, loving, and lovable. And I know I have not and cannot give up on my own and on my (two common sense) account, after all I am a dependent. I am pushing for my breakthrough and for good and for all, perhaps a miracle. If the word of God is alive in me surely it is alive in someone else who can meet my end and see me for me and just appreciate me for who I am and who reigns in me.