I love my family.

I miss my family sooo much... our silence and space together has never been an empty space... we've always been busy, the sound of love together. Haha, I remember the first time we got our family cellphones... we text Isaac dinner was served... haha he was in his room working on his academics and we all laugh because we decided to text him versus the knock on his door to let him know... How about the time, we message him, go to bed! hahaha... I miss those little precious moments with my own son,family... I love you my all. Oh, I remember my personal heartbreaking moment, when I realize my son mentiones 'my cellphone is a paperweight'... I thought, since Louie handed him his own phone, he had full access to a phoneline (his minutes were always on a budget)... My heart broke because the whole time, I thought my dad and Isaac, were in constant communication... You see, my dad his grandpa Efrain, Sr., would call me and to tell me that he has and had been trying to get a hold of his own grandson, Isaac. Contacting me was most likely out of frsustration for my dad, now I realize instead of placing my son on the phone, I would tell my dad, 'Isaac has his own phone dad, call him'... I think I misunderstood my dad or maybe I wasn't all there thinking right... It was sad to know, but when we got our family cellphone plan we made sure we stay in touch, all around without neglecting priorities. And then, boom! Work, work, with the school work and the more work... Too much technology and cellphone can be an added inexpense and distraction all around if not used for what is intended... An example is from Angelica's Mom and attitude from The Rugrats...

Maná - "Mi Verdad" a dueto con Shakira (Video Oficial)

Self-Love

When Louie met me, I was a college girl. I became a fulltime college student and working at one of our local gorcery stores, in the Foothills out in Arizona. I had been working there since my high school senior year and prior to meeting him (Louie the father of my child/ren). We actually met at the Civic Center in Yuma that one Sunday night and then shortly we went on our first date and it took off... It was an smooth transition for me after high school graduation to go into the dormitory life as a fulltime college student on my own with the help from one of the College Directors. Anyway, after Louie and I dated, he got to meet my roomate and some of my peers, we both seemed happy to be together were we met in life, and later to be found happy together in life, as husband and wife. He got to meet my grandparents in Mexico, he was very accomodating in that aspect then, he loved to please me then... I have no regrets, I'm proud to have been a college type of lady for myself, in his life and for our future, when we shortly afterwards I did get to marry, what I thought to be the perfect guy of my dreams... For sure, I was happy, we concieve together our very own child, Isaac with God's blessing. And of course, I was only able to trust Louie with my very own life for a time, until the sun went down on his wrath. Even after the many forgiven opportunities, thanks to the love that held and holds us together, Isaac, Emily, and Lysette, I had to choose me at the end of the day. I don't regret not one bit of our story though, together we did become one and I don't regret going to a higher power kind of love, in the form of self-approval and to seek his blessing with the intention of self-forgiveness, for choosing myself. Therefore, in essense I sought for self-validation and approval in the eyes of a Higher Power kind of Love. I call it, Agape Love. It was essential for me to forgive myself after I had said enough, and with my no more, I did the unforgiven by walking away from what appeared to have been non-sense to me. It has never been nor was it ever my intention for it to be an indefinite to say goodbye to and from my own heart who they are my Isaac, my Emily, and my Lysette. I just needed a safe place, time to gather my strength, and comeback stronger than ever for them, they need me and Elena says so since 2006. They are worthy of a healthy and strong mother and I am worthy to be their unfiltered mother.

Sentiments, Romanticism, and Enlightenment

My heart betrays me, as I sit and reminice on what a beautiful life I was gifted to live with Louie, the father of my child. I remember the many sleepless nights when he worked graveyard shift in his ER days at BAMC. As I sit awake, but feel as if I am sleep walking... I can't help but to think, I am awake when my body is forced to stay awake, but deepinside of me, I know I am asleep. This is a very meloncholic estate of being. It feel like somber sentimental sentiments surging in me while I try to stay conciously aware when I just want to rest by sleep.

Reminiscing...

We all know I am and I've been known to be a successful person in my daily life. Whenever, my family needs something I was at the beck and call. It all started between their father after I left my parents home in Arizona, when and as he served in the US Army, and we all knew it was about us, my family and we all grew in love. I lived for those moment, you know those last minute moments when your child spontaneously says or calls out of the blues with a 'hey, mom can you... ' or the famous 'I have papers for you to sign, Mom' and my favorite, 'Mom can you volunteer at school?' Yes, for them it's all YES... hahahahaha... and GRRR to those moments as an adult you hate, but as a parent, you appreciate... They're genuine and priceless moments in the making... and how about the time Louie forgets to wish me a happy birthday, but late in the evening my son saves the day as they both return with piece of cake and together wish me a happy birthday, that was special, thank you. Any way, I did love the fresh unexpected flowers from time to time... And there was this one time, my son Isaac asks me to email or perhaps asks to send him a picture of him standing next to his Mentoring Music Teacher, Edelir... I like to consider Edelir a family friend, and is family to me (he spent quality time with Isaac). Anyway, for some odd reason, the internet at home was down and after I consult with Louie and confirmed the internet bill is paid, it was out of our hands, so I practically drive out to Mc Donald's parkinglot to use their internet WiFi and honored my son's wishes, since it was an urgent matter. That is a perfect example of the famous 'beck and call' phenomenon... to know what you're willing to live for, its in those moments, that you know you can be trust and you know they can trust you to meet the best desired outocme all around. I was born, to serve my own family with the good and for the better, they can trust me and I can trust them. We are worthy to honorably serve one another in the same likeness, they are my very own Integrity. I love my family, no matter what, and I am happy to know that at this time, their happiness has been my own... so as long as they honor thy father and mother in the same likeness as so as long as the Sun shines on planet Earth. My family is my family, flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood.